Inappropriate sharing, incomprehensible ramblings, uncalled-for hostility: yup, it's a blog.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Lou Dobbs: What I'll Do Next

Since I announced my departure from CNN, a lot of individuals, armed with too much free time and too little knowledge, have speculated on my future. Most of the speculation has been tongue-in-ass-cheek, with the suggestion that I will move from CNN to Telemundo, or that I'll enlist in the Minute Men, or join FOX News.

None of these things are true.

I've said all I have to say. I've worked for nearly thirty years at CNN, first as a reliable reporter of money and finance, then as a reliable reporter of the fall of the American empire. I've told you that Mexicans are stealing your jobs. I've told you that Obama will destroy your future. I've told you this, I've told you that. I'm tired, my comb-over is exhausted, and so I'm calling it a day.

I didn't really want to be a news anchor, you know. Five days a week, telling viewers the dreary news about their own lives is a grueling task. Can you imagine what it's like, hating the same race for five years? So I'm leaving that behind. I'm moving on. I'm pursuing my dream... which is to be a lumberjack, leaping from tree to tree, as they float down the mighty rivers of British Columbia. The giant redwood! The larch! (The LARCH!) The fir! The mighty Scotts pine! The smell of fresh-cut timber. The crash of mighty trees. With my best girly by my side, we'll sing, sing, sing, sing!

1 comment:

Matt Osborne said...

Actually LOLing now.

Great post.

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