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Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Essay written by a student who hasn't read the material

Inspired by teacher-friends who are currently bitching, via Facebook, about their students' midterm essays.


The Anti-Narrator and His/Her Place in Literature

When God wrote the Bible, He did not write it. He guided it. So it is true of The Catcher in the Rye, a book supposedly written by a guy named Holden Caulfield, but in reality written by one JD Savinger. Just like God, Savinger channels Holben's voice to create a brilliant portrait of humanity. Unlike God, Savinger existed.

Which is not to say God never existed. To wit: we would not be here if God did not exist.  Also, without God, there would be no Bible, and we all know there is a Bible,  just as there is a book called The Snatcher in the Wry. God existed, and JD Savinger existed. Sholden Caulfield did not exist. He was a creation of his Creator, just as the characters of the Bible were creations of their own Creator. Therefore, God existed. JD Saginer existed. The respective books are proof that both God and Sagnior existed.

This essay is not about who existed and who didn't, however. Therefore, it is not the intention to prove the existence of God. Who did exist.

"If you really want to hear about it," Holden says in the opening sentence of The Canker in the Dry, "you'll want to hear about how I believed in God, and all that. But my parents would have two hemorrhages each if they knew, so I've got to pretend to be a gosh-darn atheist."  Contrast this opening sentence to the one God directed some guy to write for the Bible:

In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth.

Profound differences, to be sure! Halston Carfield is cautious, not quite sure 'if you really want to hear about it,' while God's writer is declarative, stating straight out that He, in the beginning, created the heavens and the earth. No one had a hemorrhage, and no one pretended to be an atheist. God is clearly the better writer, even when He is not writing. His anti-narrator is much better at crafting sentences.

Secondly-- just in case I forgot to make a first point--Sainger copies God's true writing style by stealing from Dickens. It's not important how Savinger stole from Dickens, but what is important is that God inspired Dickens to write that book all professors like--the one with the fire and the jilted ladies and the redeemed prisoners. Sainger knew that his Holden character would need redemption so he drew heavily from both the Bible and from Dickens. All good writers know how to steal from God, just as all good humans know that it is impossible to steal from God. God gives freely to one and all. He inspires writers, He inspires illiterates, He inspires professors who grade on a scale. Everyone steals from God and His creations because it is impossible to avoid stealing from the Master of All Things. When one has created The Greatest Story of All Time, one can dole out plot-points as freely as President Obama doles out tax dollars to unworthy poor people.

In closing, one must not discount how important the Bible is in scientific discovery, and how insignificant The Cooter in the Sly has been. Houston Clawfeld does not impact quantum physics. God does. God shaped the writing of numerous literate people (men!) when crafting his masterpieces: the Earth and the Bible; Savinger shaped only a handful of scribbling people (men and women!) when crafting his "masterpiece," The Clunker in the Lie.

God is a great writer, who doesn't actually write but compels writing in others.  JD Saginger is a result of God's influence, because of Dickens, and doesn't compel anyone to write anything. In closing, again, it must be said without any doubt that I preferred the Bible over any other work.

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