Inappropriate sharing, incomprehensible ramblings, uncalled-for hostility: yup, it's a blog.

Sunday, July 12, 2015

This Thing of Depression....

I don't mention it often, because there are so many people in my life with larger and more pressing issues, and because their issues seem more important and more pressing. But I suffer from depression.

It's true!

I know, I think, how to manage it. I know when I'm too depressed, and I know how to ask for help, and I know when I'm thinking of jumping in front of a train that I'm having an off day. So I don't jump in front of the train.

In those fleeting moments--and all phenomena are fleeting--I recognize life is something I'd rather have than not have. And the mood passes, and the train passes, and I step into it and travel onward.

Depression is tough. Sometimes it feels as if I'm an idiot for submitting to the worthless and awful way it makes me think. Sometimes it comes at me and I think, well why am I wasting this perfectly good train arrival by not leaping in front of it?

Of course I know that would ruin a lot of peoples' commute. Leaping into an oncoming train is like committing suicide: a selfish act. Public masturbation.

True fact: Mussolini didn't make the trains run on time. People say he did, but he didn't. And even if he did, he would've avoided hurling himself before a train. Out of respect for the commuters, he'd've allowed himself to be hanged from a lampost.

Which is what happened! The trains in Italy worked because Benito Mussolini never jumped in front of them.

He also didn't own his own rope.

I have depression. It's a terrible thing. No more terrible than what other people have, but it's a thing. So this, a silly article about a show I've never watched, made me smile. It made me smile because people are currently in a moment of understanding--they're suddenly kind, and empathetic, and good. Not a month ago, there were stupid flags still flying, and homophobic marriage laws in place.

I cannot hate my own depression. It is real, and it is mine. But I can, for one moment, appreciate that depression is shared. Greg, who deals with my moods and fights his own demons, knows the struggle.

What the hell is Supernatural?

Comic-Con just had an incredibly emotional and inspiring moment—and it was a complete and total surprise. It happened during the Supernatural panel, and there wasn't a dry eye in the packed house.
The CW series ended its panel with the packed audience of more than 7,000 fans holding up candles for star Jared Padalecki's Always Keep Fighting campaign. Padelecki recently opened up about his battle with depression, and started the Always Keep Fighting campaign to help people struggling with depression, self-injury, addiction and suicide. The surprise candle moment came about in support of his AKF campaign.

"I'm holding the candle in my pocket right now, I can't let go of it," Padelecki told E! News moments ago, right after the panel. "At first I didn't know what it is. I thought people were holding up their iPhones or something. And then someone handed me the note explaining it and I found out what was really going on. It took everything in my power not to cry.

Along with the candles that were passed out to the crowd came a note: "Everyone is given a candle that burns just for them. When your flame flickers and you fear it will go out, know not seven the strongest wind lasts forever; and there are other lights to guide you even in the Darkness…And when your candle burns bright, you can ignite the hearts of others and hope will spread like wildfire…Always Keep Fighting, and you'll never fight alone."

"I just want to say thank you, so much," Padalecki told us of his message to the fans who organized the candle surprise. "It's stuff that I have dealt with and I'm still dealing with so it means so much to me. I hope the fans feel support from me the way I feel support from them. I love them all very much. I really do. Fight for each other. Love each other. Always keep fighting."
"I'm so humbled," he added, wiping away a tear. "With the Always Keep Fighting campaign, it feels a lot like it's grown into something bigger than I ever could have imagined. And it's the same with the show, and this character and guys I've been working with for 11 years now. It's so cool and so, so humbling. I feel like I'm the old guy here! I've been here for 11 years doing Comic-Con but it's such a cool experience. I mean, this is what I dreamed of as a kid. I am so, so humbled."

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